Lately, I've been feeling more frequently prompted to type out any insights that come to mind as I think about the Gospel. Unfortunately, I don't always follow those promptings, but I've decided I want to do better. I think that getting things in gear again on this blog will provide the motivational kick in the pants I need to stay on top of recording the things I learn from the Spirit.
So... here we go! Drumroll please...
(Too much? Too much. Let's just talk about what I'm learning.)
In the Church, we tend to use the phrase “I know” a lot, when discussing our beliefs and the things we’ve learned about the Gospel. Primary children are taught to to use this phrase from the very beginning, learning to articulate their feelings about God and His teachings by saying “I know this Church is true.”
I think that, in general, this is a very good practice. It expresses our conviction to what we believe, and it can be a powerful tool for inviting feelings of peace and assurance which remind us of how special the Gospel is to each of us, and how pure the truth of the doctrine is. However, I know that there have been times when I’ve heard a member of the Church use the phrase, “I know,” and I’ve felt anxious about a lack of absolute certainty in my testimony. I’ve always believed in the Gospel, and I’ve always loved the Gospel, but have I always been able to say I know “without a shadow of a doubt” that all of this is true?
There have been a lot of confusing and even frustrating topics surrounding the current issues that the Church is facing. It seems that fewer people are feeling the same readiness to say “I know the Church is true,” that they may have felt back in Primary.
As I’ve participated in discussions with people who claim varying degrees of belief in the Gospel, I’ve spent a lot of time considering how/ why I can say I know that the Gospel is true, even when I’m confused by a doctrine or practice used in the Church. I’ve read about how others know that these things are true, and I’ve come across accounts of angelic visitations and profound confirmations. But I’ve never experienced anything like that… so how can I possibly say “I know??”
Here’s where introspective thought and prayer come in. I’ve thought and prayed about the answer until it dawned on me, one morning during my mission.
For me, the answer is a simple one. It’s different for each of us, but here’s mine:
It starts with an experience that I had on a Sunday evening when I was about 8 or 9 years old. I don’t know what was different about that Sunday in particular, although I remember that it was a Fast Sunday, and I’d probably heard that phrase “I know” quite a bit. I sat there in my shared bedroom, wondering if I really knew that God was there. I believed He was. I hoped He was. But that didn’t seem to be enough, and I really wanted to know.
I kneeled on the mattress of my top bunk, and asked God if He was there, and if I was His daughter. After the prayer, I didn’t see anything, and I didn’t hear anything. And if that’s what I’d expected, I would most definitely have been disappointed. Instead, I felt a simple feeling of comfort. I felt like I could trust that God was listening, and that He really did love me.
So that was it. I could trust Him. I’m not sure I knew anything other than that after that prayer, but I felt confident enough in that, and my life went on.
Now, years later, as I think about how I know that the Gospel is true, I’ve realized that that prayer established a very important foundation for me. God taught me to trust in Him, and so, I’ve grown up seeking His advice. I've prayed to Him to know where to go to find guidance and answers for everything from dealing with high school drama to learning to be at peace with who I am. And He has helped me through every challenge I’ve faced in almost the exact same way.
Every time I have exercised my trust in God and asked Him for help, I have been led towards this Gospel. I have had verses from the Book of Mormon come to mind. I have been prompted to dig up an old General Conference talk. I have felt the urge to do things that the Savior did. In answering my prayers, God has always, always led me back to the doctrine found in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. He has never ever given me even the slightest nudge in a different direction. Sure, I have felt tempted from other sources, both the peaceful assurances from God have only been found in this Church.
So, how can I join with millions of others in saying “I know?” My Father in Heaven taught me to trust Him, and with that trust, He has always led me here. I know that God does not lead us astray, and I invite anyone who reads this to take a really good look at exactly how you can say “I know.” If you’re stuck, pray for assistance. He’ll help you. I know it.
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